Surprised that we've so far not seen mention of the seemingly inexhaustible list of excuses as to why Reginald Perrin was always eleven (then seventeen, then twenty-two) minutes late:
"Eleven minutes late, staff difficulties, Hampton Wick."
"Eleven minutes late, signal failure at Vauxhall."
"Eleven minutes late, staff shortages, Nine Elms."
"Eleven minutes late, derailment of container truck, Raynes Park."
"Eleven minutes late, seasonal manpower shortages, Clapham Junction."
"Eleven minutes late, defective junction box, New Malden."
"Eleven minutes late, overheated axle at Berrylands."
"Eleven minutes late, defective axle at Wandsworth."
"Eleven minutes late, somebody had stolen the lines at Surbiton."
"Seventeen minutes late, defective bogie at Earlsfield."
"Seventeen minutes late, water seeping through the cables at Effingham Junction - there was a lot of Effingham and a good deal of Blindingham!"
"Twenty-two minutes late, black ice at Norbiton."
"Twenty-two minutes late, obstacles on the line at Berrylands."
"Twenty-two minutes late, badger ate a junction box at New Malden."
"Twenty-two minutes late, fed up by train delays, came by bike. Slow puncture at Peckham."
"Twenty-two minutes late, escaped puma, Chessington North."