Strangest thing you've heard/seen on the rail network...

[ACBest]

The oddest thing for me is probably the most normal for those in the area, but - chavs smoking a joint on a 323 on the Cross-City line heading towards Redditch.

The smell just didn't go away!

 

[starrymarkb]

Cross City line, a summer evening 1996. I board a train to Lichfield at New St, in my football kit having played that eve. It's a slam door 310, and I am sole occupant of the coach, choosing to sit in the middle. At Duddeston an oddly dressed individual boards. I use the term individual, as it was clearly a bloke, but wearing a dress, with make up (poorly applied), a huge overcoat (it was warm), about 5 different bags including a handbag, and most bizarrely, a clearly fake pregnant bump.

'She' boards at the end of the coach, looks up and down, and walks up to sit in the bay across the aisle from me. We are alone. My spidey sense tingles.

On the approach to Aston, 'She' very carefully opens 'her' handbag, withdraws a hairbrush, and deliberately drops it on the aisle floor between us. 'She' thinks I'm not looking, but I've read too many spy novels and am carefully watching the scene unfold: whilst pretending to look out of the window, I'm watching 'her' in the reflection.

The noise of the dropped hairbrush is obvious, so I turn to look. My fellow passenger is now making a big show of trying to pick it up, but the various bags and fake pregnant bump are making it very difficult. A chivalrous gentleman would obviously leap to 'her' aid to pick up the brush and return it.

I look at my fellow passenger going through the charade of trying to pick up the brush. I deliberately, and slowly, look at the brush. I return to look at my fellow passenger still trying to overcome the bags and bump. My assessment is that this is some sort of test. So I decide to put the test the other direction, and want to see how long the struggle continues before 'she' has to ask for help.

What seems like half an hour passes (but it could barely have been 30 seconds), and then 'she' speaks in a voice that Terry Jones in 'Life of Brian' would have been proud of. "Excuse me, please could you get my brush". I oblige as we pull into Gravelly Hill. My fellow passenger alights there, seemingly embarrassed at having had to speak. I then spend the next few hours/days/months wondering if it really happened.

Epilogue
Three years later, I was recounting this tale to a new colleague in a London pub. He tells me I had told him before. Impossible I say, that being our first social outing. He thinks a bit, and calls over another colleague, who listens to the tale, and then says that exactly the same thing had happened to him, 2 years previously, between Stockport and Manchester.

Reminds me of the mid to late 80's when there was a TV/TS who used to live in St. Erth and would spend the days riding up and down the line to Plymouth for free, openly clutching a fiver and rail card, as the guards/conductors were unwilling to ask for payment. I was told that the rail journey was all part of the palaver that any TS had to go through as being publically accepted as a "woman" before the "operation".

Riding into St.Ives, wonderful view of the harbor and Porthminster beach,I overheard a mother and child with Brummy accents;

Child: Look Mum, there's a large ball in the sea.

Mum: No son, it's a bouy.

Child: No Mum it's definitely a ball.

Somehow that has never left my mind.

Does make you wonder... no bump involved but there's a spotter known by the staff as Hotpants who hangs around Derby station and occasionally further afield. He has dubious makeup, wears hot pants and a top and has facial hair, with a voice like the taxi driver from league of gentlemen. Wonder if they're related.

Reminds me of "Becky Pendolino" who used to hang around Birmingham New Street and bought weekly First class season tickets between Birmingham & Cheltenham and travelled up and down all day, every day. Received many warnings for upsetting station and on-board staff. Funnily enough saw this person walking across the concourse at St Pancakes about a year and a half ago!

I do have to wonder if there are other issues at play with these. Either mental issues or they have humiliation fetishes. The majority of trans people don't want to be noticed and hate attention being drawn to them. Problem is most people view of trans people is the oddballs like the ones above.

 

[Bodiddly]

Cross City line, a summer evening 1996. I board a train to Lichfield at New St, in my football kit having played that eve. It's a slam door 310, and I am sole occupant of the coach, choosing to sit in the middle. At Duddeston an oddly dressed individual boards. I use the term individual, as it was clearly a bloke, but wearing a dress, with make up (poorly applied), a huge overcoat (it was warm), about 5 different bags including a handbag, and most bizarrely, a clearly fake pregnant bump.

'She' boards at the end of the coach, looks up and down, and walks up to sit in the bay across the aisle from me. We are alone. My spidey sense tingles.

On the approach to Aston, 'She' very carefully opens 'her' handbag, withdraws a hairbrush, and deliberately drops it on the aisle floor between us. 'She' thinks I'm not looking, but I've read too many spy novels and am carefully watching the scene unfold: whilst pretending to look out of the window, I'm watching 'her' in the reflection.

The noise of the dropped hairbrush is obvious, so I turn to look. My fellow passenger is now making a big show of trying to pick it up, but the various bags and fake pregnant bump are making it very difficult. A chivalrous gentleman would obviously leap to 'her' aid to pick up the brush and return it.

I look at my fellow passenger going through the charade of trying to pick up the brush. I deliberately, and slowly, look at the brush. I return to look at my fellow passenger still trying to overcome the bags and bump. My assessment is that this is some sort of test. So I decide to put the test the other direction, and want to see how long the struggle continues before 'she' has to ask for help.

What seems like half an hour passes (but it could barely have been 30 seconds), and then 'she' speaks in a voice that Terry Jones in 'Life of Brian' would have been proud of. "Excuse me, please could you get my brush". I oblige as we pull into Gravelly Hill. My fellow passenger alights there, seemingly embarrassed at having had to speak. I then spend the next few hours/days/months wondering if it really happened.

Epilogue
Three years later, I was recounting this tale to a new colleague in a London pub. He tells me I had told him before. Impossible I say, that being our first social outing. He thinks a bit, and calls over another colleague, who listens to the tale, and then says that exactly the same thing had happened to him, 2 years previously, between Stockport and Manchester.

Life would be VERY boring without these wonderful people!

 

[southernyoshi]

A group of lads skateboarding. On a 377. Yes, really

 

[tsr]

A group of lads skateboarding. On a 377. Yes, really

All credit to them if they manage to do it down the 3x2 seating gangway provided nobody is in the way and they are in compliance with Byelaw 15(1) by keeping at least one foot on the ground whilst in motion

OK, yes, I am being facetious and do not condone it... for anyone feeling especially miserable.

 

[GatwickDepress]

I do have to wonder if there are other issues at play with these. Either mental issues or they have humiliation fetishes. The majority of trans people don't want to be noticed and hate attention being drawn to them. Problem is most people view of trans people is the oddballs like the ones above.

There's nowt so queer as folk. Pity those experiences are the ones that colour people's perceptions as they are deeply in the minority. At least a lot of preconceptions are very slowly eroding away...

Although Requeststop's story about the transwoman at St. Erth definitely sounds like the bad old days of the Gender Identity Clinic!

All credit to them if they manage to do it down the 3x2 seating gangway provided nobody is in the way and they are in compliance with Byelaw 15(1) by keeping at least one foot on the ground whilst in motion

OK, yes, I am being facetious and do not condone it... for anyone feeling especially miserable.

What do the byelaws say about rollerblading? £10 says I make it all the way from the buffers at Vic to Coach 1 without stopping.

 

[TheEdge]

There are a few funny titbits in the GA DVTs.

In the conductors office is a sticker with the bell buzzer codes on the wall. One one DVT it has been modified slightly with some black felt tip..

5: Driver/Guard leaving the train in accordance with the rules

Instead reads...

5: Driver/Guard leaving the train in dance

Also another notice is a label reading "This is a heat monitoring device", underneath is scrawled, "No it isn't, its a sticker"

Best one has to go a fault report;

- Toilet broken
- Found OK on depot
- Not lost, broken.

Well, they make me giggle.

 

[Requeststop]

There's nowt so queer as folk. Pity those experiences are the ones that colour people's perceptions as they are deeply in the minority. At least a lot of preconceptions are very slowly eroding away...

Although Requeststop's story about the transwoman at St. Erth definitely sounds like the bad old days of the Gender Identity Clinic!


What do the byelaws say about rollerblading? £10 says I make it all the way from the buffers at Vic to Coach 1 without stopping.

Living and being based in Thailand for the last 18 years, I am very used to seeing katoeys nearly every day. Here they are very accepted.

"TheEdge's" comment brought back to mind that on the very few occasions I saw the St. Erth T/S on the train, holding out their rail-card and fiver, that they always had a serene look on their face. Then, who wouldn't looking out on the wonderful countryside up to Plymouth.

 

[Tetchytyke]

I got a bit worried when I saw where my train home was going a few months ago...

http://instagram.com/p/qMiT5AuUGG/

 

[tsr]

What do the byelaws say about rollerblading? £10 says I make it all the way from the buffers at Vic to Coach 1 without stopping.

Well, you are "on foot", as specified, but there's just something rather interesting stuck to the bottom of your shoes... £10 it could be, but good luck finding the empty stock before it goes to the depot! Also, you've got to do the internal doors yourself...

 

[Kazington]

Had an interesting experience on the metro lines out of LST the other day. School had just finished and about 5 kids aged 7-9 had just boarded at Forest Gate. Now I'm quite a large guy but most folks have the decency not to question or poke fun at me about it (aside from the occasional drunks), but what happened next had really caught me off guard.
One of the kids sat down next to me and then stroked and poked my belly a couple of times, asking me why I was so large. I shrugged it off and with a final poke, his parent or guardian scolded him for it. From what I could gather from the conversation, this isn't the first time it's happened. At least he was being punished.

 

[DiscoStu]

This is a vague memory, but does anybody remember the lady that used to put smarties on the buffer beam of electric locos when they arrived at stations in the West Mids area? I recall seeing her do this at last once at Rugby circa 1989/1990.

 

[Shimbleshanks]

There is an old story, possibly an early urban myth, about the Irish countryman arriving off the North Wales train at Euston, who accosts a member of the station staff with: "Is this really London?"
"Yes, it is; why do you ask?"
"Because I've just spent a week in Holyhead, thinking I was was London!"

 

[nicobobinus]

Being almost run over on the concourse at Glasgow Central in 1997 by a station buggy containing a member of station staff and .. Jimmy Savile.

 

[ChiefPlanner]

This is a vague memory, but does anybody remember the lady that used to put smarties on the buffer beam of electric locos when they arrived at stations in the West Mids area? I recall seeing her do this at last once at Rugby circa 1989/1990.

I think she was a legendary clerk in the Exeter Area Manager office - treating her favourite class 50's - maybe having a day out. The West Midlands had an
Olive like character (the one from On the Buses- dire prog) , who used to window hang wearing goggles and looked like a reversed Panda , + of course the legendary Jedd - who can still be seen 30 years on , enjoying the Chiltern class 67's.

 

[CC 72100]

+ of course the legendary Jedd - who can still be seen 30 years on , enjoying the Chiltern class 67's.

I don't think his coat has changed in that time either!

Bumped into him a few years back (Dec 2012 rings a bell) on the Chiltern 67s when we bowled out by a 168 on the way back due a door failure. Prior to that it must have been a good 7/8 years, back in the days of proper locos on the WCML when I saw him. Many a happy Centro daytripper (I think!) used between Wolves- Birmingham NS - Coventry.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Olive like character (the one from On the Buses- dire prog)

:cry:

 

[Busterfridge]

In the mid to late seventies I used to commute every other Saturday to Manchester from Cumbria to watch united, we always caught the 19:15 from preston to Lancaster on the journey home, there used to be a female buffet car attendant used to offer 'favours' to the lads for a fiver !.............................and NO I didn't !

 

[Strathclyder]

This happened in late 2013 or early 2014. I was on a Dalmuir - Springburn service. As we were approaching Springburn, the conductor approached two men who had boarded the train at Alexandra Parade. They couldn't pay for their tickets, so one of them offered to go to the bank to withdraw some money and come back and pay for the tickets once the train had terminated at Springburn. 'What would be the point in that?' was the conductor's reply, or something to that effect.

 

[hassaanhc]

The other day, Friday 10 October 2014, the 2033 Birmingham New Street to London Euston. On approach to Euston, a man got out his toothbrush and was actually brushing hus teeth, with toothpaste and all! He spat into a bag that he had with him :P. Before that he spent the journey lying down on the set of three seats, and the guard didn't disturb him either (despite her walking through the train several times) except for ticket check (he got on at or before Northampton and ticket check was after there when guard changed).

 

[ChiefPlanner]

Women doing make up very common - but a commuter shaving (not a wet shave) on a 319 before 0800 does push the boundaries a bit.

However - consuming vodka at this time may be inappropriate - though spotted once.He may have come off a night shift though.

 

[user15681]

Women doing make up very common - but a commuter shaving (not a wet shave) on a 319 before 0800 does push the boundaries a bit.

However - consuming vodka at this time may be inappropriate - though spotted once.He may have come off a night shift though.

Seen all 3!

It's the make up done on the tube that surprises me. Wonder how many doing mascara have jabbed themselves in the eyeball...

 

[FQ]

I was awoken by the driver who had spotted me. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd been on my own in an empty train

I wold have used my phone to call for help and if there was no signal then only one thing to do...


... Doss on the stock and hope it comes out in the morning.

 

[Kite159]

On the trip to Carlisle from Whitehaven, a boy and a girl disappearing into the toilet on a 156 to come out 5 minutes later with a large smile on the boys face...

...I wonder what they were up-to in the loo

 

[6Gman]

I seem to attract the weirdest things and people, all of these are absolutely genuine...


- woman eating cereal with milk

I've eaten cereal with milk on a train. On an 0900 or thereabouts Redruth - Liverpool having travelled down on the Sleeper overnight. I'd bought the cereal at Victoria Coach Station. My girlfriend brought the milk. The bowl was the dog's.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Had an interesting experience on the metro lines out of LST the other day. School had just finished and about 5 kids aged 7-9 had just boarded at Forest Gate. Now I'm quite a large guy but most folks have the decency not to question or poke fun at me about it (aside from the occasional drunks), but what happened next had really caught me off guard.
One of the kids sat down next to me and then stroked and poked my belly a couple of times, asking me why I was so large. I shrugged it off and with a final poke, his parent or guardian scolded him for it. From what I could gather from the conversation, this isn't the first time it's happened. At least he was being punished.

There may have been a health issue here. There are conditions where sufferers cannot stop themselves from doing/ saying inappropriate things.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

However - consuming vodka at this time may be inappropriate - though spotted once.He may have come off a night shift though.

On a Merrymaker excursion (remember them!) to Bournemouth c.1980 we shared a compartment with an elderly Polish couple who demolished a whole chicken, washed down with vodka, for breakfast before 9am.

 

[Rick1984]

travelling couple of weeks ago,a pre-recorded announcement on a class 450 from Pompy to Waterloo about beggars was a bit disconcerting!

 

[Bodiddly]

On the trip to Carlisle from Whitehaven, a boy and a girl disappearing into the toilet on a 156 to come out 5 minutes later with a large smile on the boys face...

...I wonder what they were up-to in the loo

On that particular train they wanted to join the bloody long mile club!

 

[185143]

I had a guard coming into Piccadilly mention something about remembering to take wives, children, mother in laws, tropical fish, chickens, goats or elephants off the train with you!

 

[Kazington]

There may have been a health issue here. There are conditions where sufferers cannot stop themselves from doing/ saying inappropriate things.

Looking back, seems likely. My guess is aspergers or another spectrum disorder, based on my own experiences when I was young. You eventually learn to control it.

 

[sbt]

On a train near Aldershot several years ago. Two c. 18 lasses talking, one about her new boyfriend. Words to the effect of:

Girl A: "He's a lovely bloke, but it took ages to get him to go out with me and then he needed real persuasion to get into bed with me"
Girl B: "Yes, he's lovely. You got him into bed then?"
Girl A, getting slightly embarrassed: "Yes, he's a very considerate lover"
Girl B: "How was it then, good?"
Girl A: "OOO Yesssss..." - you could HEAR 'the event'.
<Embarrassed Pause>
Girl A: "You'll have to join us some time"
Girl B: <Choked gasp/laugh>

... then they got off (the train)

 

[backontrack]

After England's exit from Euro 2012 on penalties to Italy, with both Ashley Cole and Ashley Young missing crucial penalties, I was on a train to Charing Cross when the announcer said:

"Welcome aboard this Southeastern service to London Charing Cross, although, as my name's Ashley, I might miss and end up in Liverpool Street."