Strangest thing you've heard/seen on the rail network...

[EM2]

I seem to attract the weirdest things and people, all of these are absolutely genuine...

- woman eating cereal with milk

Back in the late '80s, when I used to commute from Maidstone East, there was a woman that did this every morning.

 

[user15681]

Back in the late '80s, when I used to commute from Maidstone East, there was a woman that did this every morning.

Maybe it's a Kent thing then?

This woman got out a snack box of cereal (the small boxes) from her handbag, a small pint carton of milk and a spoon. She took out the bag of cereal inside, opened it and poured in the milk, before eating the contents. She drank the milk from the bag when finished, put the box and bag in the bin, cleaned the spoon and then put it back in her handbag along with the rest of the milk.

Efficient and quite clever, but probably only gave her 5 minutes longer in bed in the morning.

 

[Kite159]

"I didn't realise it was First Class"

How many more clues do you want, the doors have "first class" on, the seats are 2+1 with virgin first class things on with nice little tables.

Bet he was hoping to get a free ride in first. Although could have paid the £10 upgrade if he wanted a seat.

 

[Qwerty133]

Someone shouting that they couldn't be penalty fared as they worked for Network Rail on the concourse at Derby station... that argument lasted 10 minutes, and IIRC he got his Network rail ID out at one point.

 

[ACS]

Happened to me:
Fell asleep on a night train and woke up in darkness in sidings

Spent almost an entire journey from Shrewsbury to Swansea with the drunk man sat next to me sleeping on my shoulder.

Got told off by a guard for taking the mickey (well, the ruder version of that) by asking for a ticket to Sugar Loaf Halt. He apologised when I convinced him it was actually a real place.

Had to direct a replacement bus driver to all the stations from Preston to Burnley because he had no idea where they were (apart from Blackburn) and hadn't bothered to ask before setting off.

Observed by me:
The ever increasing anger of the guard on the train from Cardiff filled with Liverpool supporters after the cup final. Several insisted upon a fag break at every station whilst their mates stood in the doorway delaying the train.

The poor woman who had hopped on a train from Lancaster to Carlisle only to find out it was going round the Cumbrian Coast Line and would take 3 hours.

I can't quite remember the details of this but I think the train I was on was non-stop from London to Preston. There might have been another stop close to London or the first stop may have been Crewe. Anyway, one poor man had boarded the wrong train so had a very long detour just to double back on himself

The cockney woman who had seemingly got massively lost or misunderstood advice received at Preston. She had boarded the train to Colne. Having been informed that she was on the wrong train and was not part of a normal route to Leicester she proceeded not to get off the train and return the way she came but to call National Express to enquire if they had coaches from Colne (pronouncing it "col-knee") to Leicester

 

[muz379]

a man with a ferret on a lead on a train once .

Not on a train but a bus but I once overheard some students discussing their nighttime nocturnal bedtime activities with one another and that one of them thinks he had caught an infection from one of his fellow nocturnal activity buddies

 

[causton]

"This is a St Albans train, next stop is Bedfo...

no...

This is a BEDFORD train, next stop is ST ALBANS!"

Heard at West Hampstead Thameslnk today.

 

[jon91]

I saw a guy with two rabbits on leads on a train from Retford to Lincoln once. I hadn't had much sleep as I was heading back from a concert in London and was slightly concerned that I was seeing things.

 

[D6975]

West highland line in 37 days, basher with a camping gas single burner on the table cooking hot dogs.
On a 175 between Hereford and Newport, 3 young girls grilling a young lad about his bedroom exploits with his latest boyfriend, him answering in far too much detail.
On a XC 47 hauled service between N St and Derby, someone pulling the communication cord because he wanted the next stop.

 

[PaxVobiscum]

West highland line in 37 days, basher with a camping gas single burner on the table cooking hot dogs.

Similarly, in the late 70s on a West Highland early morning train to Fort William, a couple of hikers making breakfast in the vestibule with a paraffin primus stove. Guard just stepped over them.

 

[Trainfan344]

On a London Midland train waiting to join the WCML at Norton Bridge:

We are just waiting to join the west line coast main we will be underway shortly...

 

[fishquinn]

Fell asleep on a night train and woke up in darkness in sidings

What did you do?

 

[Kite159]

This train does not stop at Leicester, the next station is Melton Mowbray, it does not call at Leicester, if wanting Leicester please leave this train now as it doesn't stop at Leicester.

Repeated 3 times by the platform staff and on board.

So why did a couple passengers get on wanting Leicester?

 

[Qwerty133]

This train does not stop at Leicester, the next station is Melton Mowbray, it does not call at Leicester, if wanting Leicester please leave this train now as it doesn't stop at Leicester.

Repeated 3 times by the platform staff and on board.

So why did a couple passengers get on wanting Leicester?

East Midlands parkway at 16:45 ish on a weekday by any chance?

 

[CarltonA]

Announcement on the Bakerloo Line on a Saturday morning: "There is no service between Queens Park and Harrow & Wealdstone due to engineering works. There are minor delays due to an earlier train fault at Piccadilly Circus. There are however no reported lift problems on the line today. Yes, that's right, a FULL lift service on the Bakerloo Line!"

 

[table38]

At Euston just now, "Gok Wan please report to the Shift Station Supervisor"

Some sort of fashion emergency I would imagine

 

[PeterY]

I used to commute between Watford Jct and Headstone Lane in the days of the 313's. Very early one morning I was asked by a Scottish guy who'd had far too much drink the previous evening "does this train go to Glasgow?"

 

[Kite159]

East Midlands parkway at 16:45 ish on a weekday by any chance?

Yep, I'm guessing the only afternoon service which doesn't stop at Leicester (although I'm surprised EMT doesn't put it on the PIS as for Corby to remove any doubt and also to say that if you hang around there will be a faster service to London)

At Euston just now, "Gok Wan please report to the Shift Station Supervisor"

Some sort of fashion emergency I would imagine

Must have been Gok Wan, as Inspector Sands was busy in attendance at Stoke and would have been coming back

----
Yesterday afternoon:

A 'chav' fare dodger from Sheffield to Doncaster on a stopping service, didn't bother getting a ticket from the various kiosks at Sheffield and when the guard eventually got down to the front, he claimed he boarded at Mexborough and wanted a ticket to Conisbrough...

...however the train only departed Swinton a couple minutes earlier (station before Mexborough), sadly the guard had to go to open the doors when the train reached Mexborough and the chav did a runner.

(Sorry for the use of the word chav, but probably the best way to describe him, made worst by deciding to play his 'music' with only one ear-phone in the ear to allow the rest of the car to hear it)

 

[Taunton]

London Underground. The standard notice on all doors

"Obstructing the doors can be dangerous".

Graffiti underneath :

"So can girls from Leeds".

Meanwhile, secondhand only, my mother took my sister from Taunton on her first ever trip to London, Christmas shopping on a cold winter's day, saying on the way "Now London is very different, you'll see lots of things you have never seen before".

Board the Bakerloo Line at Paddington for first ever trip on the Underground. Sat opposite in the longitudinal seats is a woman with a tea cosy on her head instead of a hat. Still remembered in the family!

 

[causton]

London Underground. The standard notice on all doors

"Obstructing the doors can be dangerous".

Graffiti underneath :

"So can girls from Leeds".

Seen a few where it someone has made it say Obstructing the doors can be dangerous by covering over/crossing out the "be d" and "o"!

 

[Hyphen]

I don't remember when it was exactly, but it was either autumn 2004 or sometime in 2005. Either way, I was coming up the stairs to platforms 3 and 4 at Cardiff Central one evening, ready to get an HST back home to Swansea. It must have been a tough day, or just a long one, because for some reason as I was walking up the right hand side of the stairs I heard "...Southern service to Balham"!

I have no idea how on Earth I would have heard that in Cardiff, obviously my brain and ears were misbehaving that evening.

A bit late to this thread, but may I offer a possibility? Platforms 6/7 have a PIS independent of the rest of Cardiff Central, and as the only trains that stop there are Arriva valleys services, they don't read out the TOC name in the automated announcements. Therefore, announcements take the form "Platform X for the YY:ZZ service to AAAAA". If you were heading up the stairs when you heard it, you may not have heard the start of one of these, and the rest of the line may have been muffled.

I therefore propose something along the lines of ":eleven service to Barry" could be misconstrued if you were tired, not paying attention, some distance from the source of the announcement (it wouldn't have been played on 3/4) and in a location which may have caused an echo.

EDIT: You could also have possibly heard some Welsh, which if you're not familiar with, could have sounded like anything in your head

 

[theorangeone]

First train out of Euston (0823 to Birmingham New Street), last Sunday (14/09/14), calling at pretty much all advertised LM stations to BHM (Harrow and Wealdstone, Bushey, Watford Junction, Kings Langley etc.).

Train left the station, "This is the London Midland service to Birmingham New Street, calling at Coventry, Canley, Tile Hill, Berkswell, Hampton-in-Arden, Birmingham International, Marston Green and Birmingham New Street. Next stop, Coventry."

Cue mass panic. Of course, ten minutes into that journey was the guard's announcement of:

"We're currently stranded here in the middle of nowhere. There's a post office depot on the left."

 

[overtonchris]

I've posted this before somewhere- but the best for me was a few months ago where I was on a very packed train from Blazingsmoke to Waterloo where the guard announces "there are plenty of seats towards the front of the train...please move along the train to avoid congestion". A rather loud "posh" sounding lady shouts to her friend... "....but which way is the front??" The train at this moment was doing 70mph++++....It was cruel to snigger but.......

 

[ACS]

Fell asleep on a night train and woke up in darkness in sidings

What did you do?

I was awoken by the driver who had spotted me. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd been on my own in an empty train

 

[ChiefPlanner]

0004 off Waterloo - way back in the party season -a jolly train - load of city types who had won a jigsaw in the raffle decided to "do it" in the vestibule of a 455 - much fun and others getting involved. Tip it all out - and start putting it together - arrive at Clapham Jct - apart from around 30+ other well lubricated persons trampling over it , a gust of wind blew about 30% of the pieces onto the platform. Much scrabbling - "game over" ....

 

[Bald Rick]

Cross City line, a summer evening 1996. I board a train to Lichfield at New St, in my football kit having played that eve. It's a slam door 310, and I am sole occupant of the coach, choosing to sit in the middle. At Duddeston an oddly dressed individual boards. I use the term individual, as it was clearly a bloke, but wearing a dress, with make up (poorly applied), a huge overcoat (it was warm), about 5 different bags including a handbag, and most bizarrely, a clearly fake pregnant bump.

'She' boards at the end of the coach, looks up and down, and walks up to sit in the bay across the aisle from me. We are alone. My spidey sense tingles.

On the approach to Aston, 'She' very carefully opens 'her' handbag, withdraws a hairbrush, and deliberately drops it on the aisle floor between us. 'She' thinks I'm not looking, but I've read too many spy novels and am carefully watching the scene unfold: whilst pretending to look out of the window, I'm watching 'her' in the reflection.

The noise of the dropped hairbrush is obvious, so I turn to look. My fellow passenger is now making a big show of trying to pick it up, but the various bags and fake pregnant bump are making it very difficult. A chivalrous gentleman would obviously leap to 'her' aid to pick up the brush and return it.

I look at my fellow passenger going through the charade of trying to pick up the brush. I deliberately, and slowly, look at the brush. I return to look at my fellow passenger still trying to overcome the bags and bump. My assessment is that this is some sort of test. So I decide to put the test the other direction, and want to see how long the struggle continues before 'she' has to ask for help.

What seems like half an hour passes (but it could barely have been 30 seconds), and then 'she' speaks in a voice that Terry Jones in 'Life of Brian' would have been proud of. "Excuse me, please could you get my brush". I oblige as we pull into Gravelly Hill. My fellow passenger alights there, seemingly embarrassed at having had to speak. I then spend the next few hours/days/months wondering if it really happened.

Epilogue
Three years later, I was recounting this tale to a new colleague in a London pub. He tells me I had told him before. Impossible I say, that being our first social outing. He thinks a bit, and calls over another colleague, who listens to the tale, and then says that exactly the same thing had happened to him, 2 years previously, between Stockport and Manchester.

 

[Requeststop]

Reminds me of the mid to late 80's when there was a TV/TS who used to live in St. Erth and would spend the days riding up and down the line to Plymouth for free, openly clutching a fiver and rail card, as the guards/conductors were unwilling to ask for payment. I was told that the rail journey was all part of the palaver that any TS had to go through as being publically accepted as a "woman" before the "operation".

Riding into St.Ives, wonderful view of the harbor and Porthminster beach,I overheard a mother and child with Brummy accents;

Child: Look Mum, there's a large ball in the sea.

Mum: No son, it's a bouy.

Child: No Mum it's definitely a ball.

Somehow that has never left my mind.

 

[hassaanhc]

Not as strange? :P
Last night (well, around 2300 23 September) I was travelling on the DLR. There were a group of 4 drunk uni girls that were loudly discussing what their "first time" was like. This was between Custom House and Canning Town. At Prince Regent three young teenage hooded oiks had boarded and sat nearby, and were struggling to keep a straight face while listening to the girls!
Me and another guy were actually with these girls, in which case I think I should get my coat...

 

[LowLevel]

Cross City line, a summer evening 1996. I board a train to Lichfield at New St, in my football kit having played that eve. It's a slam door 310, and I am sole occupant of the coach, choosing to sit in the middle. At Duddeston an oddly dressed individual boards. I use the term individual, as it was clearly a bloke, but wearing a dress, with make up (poorly applied), a huge overcoat (it was warm), about 5 different bags including a handbag, and most bizarrely, a clearly fake pregnant bump.

'She' boards at the end of the coach, looks up and down, and walks up to sit in the bay across the aisle from me. We are alone. My spidey sense tingles.

On the approach to Aston, 'She' very carefully opens 'her' handbag, withdraws a hairbrush, and deliberately drops it on the aisle floor between us. 'She' thinks I'm not looking, but I've read too many spy novels and am carefully watching the scene unfold: whilst pretending to look out of the window, I'm watching 'her' in the reflection.

The noise of the dropped hairbrush is obvious, so I turn to look. My fellow passenger is now making a big show of trying to pick it up, but the various bags and fake pregnant bump are making it very difficult. A chivalrous gentleman would obviously leap to 'her' aid to pick up the brush and return it.

I look at my fellow passenger going through the charade of trying to pick up the brush. I deliberately, and slowly, look at the brush. I return to look at my fellow passenger still trying to overcome the bags and bump. My assessment is that this is some sort of test. So I decide to put the test the other direction, and want to see how long the struggle continues before 'she' has to ask for help.

What seems like half an hour passes (but it could barely have been 30 seconds), and then 'she' speaks in a voice that Terry Jones in 'Life of Brian' would have been proud of. "Excuse me, please could you get my brush". I oblige as we pull into Gravelly Hill. My fellow passenger alights there, seemingly embarrassed at having had to speak. I then spend the next few hours/days/months wondering if it really happened.

Epilogue
Three years later, I was recounting this tale to a new colleague in a London pub. He tells me I had told him before. Impossible I say, that being our first social outing. He thinks a bit, and calls over another colleague, who listens to the tale, and then says that exactly the same thing had happened to him, 2 years previously, between Stockport and Manchester.

Does make you wonder... no bump involved but there's a spotter known by the staff as Hotpants who hangs around Derby station and occasionally further afield. He has dubious makeup, wears hot pants and a top and has facial hair, with a voice like the taxi driver from league of gentlemen. Wonder if they're related.

 

[Mojo]

Does make you wonder... no bump involved but there's a spotter known by the staff as Hotpants who hangs around Derby station and occasionally further afield. He has dubious makeup, wears hot pants and a top and has facial hair, with a voice like the taxi driver from league of gentlemen. Wonder if they're related.

Reminds me of "Becky Pendolino" who used to hang around Birmingham New Street and bought weekly First class season tickets between Birmingham & Cheltenham and travelled up and down all day, every day. Received many warnings for upsetting station and on-board staff. Funnily enough saw this person walking across the concourse at St Pancakes about a year and a half ago!