funny annoucements

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317729

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hi all

ok lets have some fun.

those of you thats heard some funny annoucnements or said some on p.a lets hear them.

il start.

i was on a train once and a guard on board said "ok ladies and gentleman we are aprouchin the new tunnel 1 2 3 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

dnt know why he said that but jezz i was in stiches lol

matty
 
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Dave A

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LOL. That reminds me... Not on a station, but anyway:

Coming home late the other night on the piccadilly line, they closed Hollaway Road due to "staffing problems". We were stuck at Caledonian Road for a while and the driver makes the announcement:

He starts off quite serious:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, can I please have your un-divided attention for a few minutes"

And procceeds to say:

"Hollaway Station is closed due to staffing problems. You can change here (Caledonian Road) or Arsenal, where you can walk or take the bus. Either way this train, or any others will not be stopping at Hollaway Road. The choice is yours."

I felt like I was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire!!

:rolleyes: :lol:
 
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I was on the Bakerloo line a few weeks ago and a driver made a "this station" announcement using a very funny voice and accent. A lot of people in my carriage couldnt help laughing!
 
T

Tom

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Had a District (IIRC) driver a while back ...

"I'm just about to ring the signallers to find out what the bloody hell they're on at..."

Praed Street Jnc - the signaller was letting the Hammersmith & ****ty trains through!
 

317729

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o jezz. lol

great stuff keep em coming.

i know my supervisor got on pa and said "heres an annoucement if theres anyone running about naked we have ur suit in the office on plat2" it was handed in by a pass.

hehe

matty
 

nutter

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Heard this one a while back. Me eebn a teenager I thought it was hilarious.

"This....is....cccccooooooossssssssfffffffffffooooooorrrrrrrrdddddddddd".

Sounded like the bloke was getting up to some x-rated stuff in the back. What didn't help was the fact I was with my girlfriend (yes, nuts has had some many moons ago) who didn't have a sense of humor. I had to explain it to her infront of my mum :oops:.
 

Ascot

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A new lass working at Brum International and she stresses and acts like a total pleb on the end letter. 'London Euustonnnn' Sounds oh so enthusiastic.

Guard for Central when coming into New Street has to have a good ol' Dabble. INcluding, may i also remind passengers about people are shopping in the area above and oh don't forget to please mind the gap'

Back in the days when the 350s where just being welcomed by commuters we had the joy of ' The whole of New Street 'is a' No Smoking Zone' with the Is A in a VERY deep slowed down voice.
 

Dave A

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Emma at Earls Court Picca sounds like she's enjoying doing the announcements. Probably to much...

;) :lol:
 

AlexS

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delticmatt said:
hi all

ok lets have some fun.

those of you thats heard some funny annoucnements or said some on p.a lets hear them.

il start.

i was on a train once and a guard on board said "ok ladies and gentleman we are aprouchin the new tunnel 1 2 3 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

dnt know why he said that but jezz i was in stiches lol

matty
Are you sure that you didn't hear that on the radio? :) It wasn't on a train, it was on the docklands light railway when the new extension was opened in the 90s!


I've had a guard by the name of Rob start crowing like a cockerel after making a Shrewsbury terminus announcement - apparently because everyone in Shropshire is a farmer!
 

317729

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yea i was on a train. was in the southern region. cnt rember wat new tunnel it was tho. but the guy mad me laugh
 

nutter

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AlexS said:
I've had a guard by the name of Rob start crowing like a cockerel after making a Shrewsbury terminus announcement - apparently because everyone in Shropshire is a farmer!
I think I know the one your on about. Nice bloke as well, gave me my first looki into a cab (rear 153). I wont be talking to him again Cockledodolooooooooo :lol:
 

Max

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I like the guard on Transpennine Express who gives huge ten minute announcements after every station as if it were GNER or something, for example, introducing the 'catering manager' ie the guy who pushes the trolley (that made me laugh :p)

Mind you, I hate what he would be like on that late night stopper between Doncaster and Grimsby :lol:
 

Ben

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I was once on a TPE service when i heard...

"Ladies and Gentleman our next Station stop will be Leeds, If you are leaving The Train at Leeds please remember to take all your Personal Belongings with you as this Train will continue to Newcastle and quite honestly if you leave something on the Train knowing Transpennine it'll be 3 weeks before you geet it back!"
 

AJP

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I was on A Hull - Doncaster northern service about a year ago and a old conducter announced ' We are at Donny were we terminate so get off, Doncaster next stop'

Also I was on a CT 170 near Leicester and there was a Kettle parked up steaming away and the conductor said 'We are now arriving into Leicester Please, Wow look at that fantastic'
:lol: That made me smile :lol:
 

Demps

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you lot are lucky lol, some funny things. i have never heard out like this, mainly just the common, depressing voice which i suppose we can all associate stations with.
 

David

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A good contender is the Northern service from Scunthorpe this morning.

"Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen, we will shortly be arriving at Doncaster. Here we have a 15 minute stop, so for those who smoke, this will be a good opportunity to go onto the platform and have a cigerate. Please ensure that you are back on the train by 0824 if you are continueing your jourey on this service."

The carriage emptied!!!!
 

Jonno2055

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To thing that happened to me on the tube:

When the Jubilee extension first opened we had just left West Ham going towards Canning Town. Then over a PA the driver said we are now going into the tunnel, I can't remember what else he said but he said it all in a slow Jamaican accent.

The second was on the Hammersmith and City, we were at Edgware Road when the driver announces: 'This is Edgware Road, this train if for Hammersmith via Paddington and Shepards Bush, home of the Queens Park Rangers. He said that part very loudly and finished it with a huge roar of Yehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Don't know what team he supports.

Jonno
 

Lewisham2221

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There was the time (back when Pendo's were being introduced and services were announced as Virgin Pendolino service or Virgin trains service for non-Pendo's) when a group of us were waiting at Stafford, when the train was announced as a Pendolino service, but when we looked it was actually a HST.

And then there is the female announcer at Derby, usually quite amusing anyway because of the way that she over emphasises certain sounds and draws out the last syallable of most words. Once she was starting to announce a train when she suddenly remembered that she needed to know where it was going...

"Platform 4 for the xx.xx Central Trains service to.....[very long pause].....Cardiff Central calling at..."
 

Lesjordans

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We once had a west highland service announcement saying please remember to lock the toilets to save embarassment after some poor woman got walked in on!
 

rmt

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One at Nottingham a while back (about 2002) - "Will passengers on Platform 1, please stand clear, there is a freight train approaching..", then as the 60 got to the end of the platform on the approach, "..Can any passengers on Platform 1 who want to, please wave at the driver of the freight train." At which point, about 5 people waved at the driver, who burst out laughing. :).

Heard something similar a few times at Donny too.
 

WhiteVanMan

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I'm an announcer with a TOC that runs out of London.......;)
I nearly appologised for a train nearly going on time once......;)
 

WhiteVanMan

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Table 52 said:
Hi WVM- er... shouldn't you be moaning?
Not yet - too tired to moan...officially been up since 03:30, but reality dictates that I over slept and got up at 04:20......leaving me 20 minutes to actually get out and catch a train,.....:shock:
 

bunnahabhain

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Funniest announcements I have heard were when some people I know were mucking about with the PA system at Quorn on the GCR, I believe we had the Doctor Who theme, Imperial March, and numerous sound bytes playing throughout the evening.

We only realised that there were passengers still about when we heard them laughing down the opposite end of the platform.
 

Tomnick

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Jamie said:
Funniest announcements I have heard were when some people I know were mucking about with the PA system at Quorn on the GCR, I believe we had the Doctor Who theme, Imperial March, and numerous sound bytes playing throughout the evening.

We only realised that there were passengers still about when we heard them laughing down the opposite end of the platform.
I could hear it clearly in the signalbox too :!:
 

yorkie

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At Sheffield station "A group of people are asking people for money. Please do not give these people money. If you see people asking people for money please contact British Transport Police or a member of Midland Mainline staff"

Also at Sheffield station "Please do not feed the pigeons. They are a nuisance and a health hazard. Please do not feed the pigeons, thankyou." (not sure of exact wording - but something like that).

185 TPE auto announcements are weird, too many to mention, although it's the way they're said more than the wording... (e.g. "...please contact THE CONDUCTOR!")
 

16CSVT2700

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On the way to Bexleyheath (using my cunning plan of getting the Slade Green train, jumping off at greenwich then DLR to lewisham ;) I rock :headbang: )

"This is your driver speaking and I would like to welcome you all to the 1904 South Eastern Sardine service to Slade Green. Please make maximum use of the space around you as the space for one person South Eastern considers as room for two more!"

And also a gem from a passenger..

"I find it absurd how they could put a 3-coach train on such a packed service!"

The service was formed of a 4-car 465!!!!! Funnily enough when he was asked to stand inside the doorway he replied:

"I know what I am doing!"

Uh-huh.. yeah OK mate!!
 
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