Train announcements with a sense of humour

TUC

Established Member
Joined
11 Nov 2010
Messages
2,312
I remember on the day of the referendum a guard giving announcment saying 'if you're still not sure how to vote, take a look at your tummy button and see if you're an In or an Outie.
 
Sponsor Post - registered members do not see these adverts; click here to register, or click here to log in
R

RailUK Forums

gordonthemoron

Established Member
Joined
4 Sep 2006
Messages
6,119
Location
Milton Keynes
1992 Kings Cross to Newcastle ICEC service on New Year's Eve, just before we left KGX, the guard announced: "Welcome on board the 16:30 service to Newcastle, the centre of the universe" :D
 

adc82140

Established Member
Joined
10 May 2008
Messages
1,169
Totally unprofessional in my opinion.
Ah lighten up. It was a genuine mistake, the passengers found it funny, and let's not forget the primary purpose of a platform dispatcher is to dispatch trains safely, not sound like a BBC newsreader.
 

43066

Established Member
Joined
24 Nov 2019
Messages
1,545
Location
London
My best one was an announcement by a colleague who had spotted me boarding his train with a couple of mates when I was off work.

As we approached my local station the announcement came over the PA: “My fantastic colleague 43066 will be leaving us here”.

Highly embarrassing, but amusing nonetheless. That particular driver is becoming legendary for his comedy announcements.
 

Greenboy

On Moderation
Joined
29 Oct 2019
Messages
245
Location
Woking
Ah lighten up. It was a genuine mistake, the passengers found it funny, and let's not forget the primary purpose of a platform dispatcher is to dispatch trains safely, not sound like a BBC newsreader.
Lighten up? I doubt whether many people would have found it funny, imagine going into a shopping centre and somebody doing that over the PA.... they'd probably be out on their ear.
 

ashkeba

Established Member
Joined
13 May 2019
Messages
1,324
Lighten up? I doubt whether many people would have found it funny, imagine going into a shopping centre and somebody doing that over the PA.... they'd probably be out on their ear.
Highly unlikely unless making a genuine mistake on the PA was somehow defined in their contract as gross misconduct. Even then, I suspect a court would strike out the contract clause as unreasonable.

I like funny announcements as long as the station name or other key point is early, before the silly bit. Then it does not really matter if second language listeners don't get the joke.
 

Bald Rick

Veteran Member
Joined
28 Sep 2010
Messages
13,461
On my train about 3 hours ago:

“I hope you had a good weekend, and haven’t got too many cuts and bruises from the battering you may have received... for forgetting to get a Valentines card for your better half”
 

Greenboy

On Moderation
Joined
29 Oct 2019
Messages
245
Location
Woking
Highly unlikely unless making a genuine mistake on the PA was somehow defined in their contract as gross misconduct. Even then, I suspect a court would strike out the contract clause as unreasonable.

I like funny announcements as long as the station name or other key point is early, before the silly bit. Then it does not really matter if second language listeners don't get the joke.
It doesn't sound like a genuine mistake does it?
 

mmh

Established Member
Joined
13 Aug 2016
Messages
2,643
Lighten up? I doubt whether many people would have found it funny, imagine going into a shopping centre and somebody doing that over the PA.... they'd probably be out on their ear.
Sacked for belching? Just a little extreme and far fetched, no?
 

Roy Badami

Member
Joined
12 Oct 2014
Messages
103
I recall a conductor on the ECML (many years ago - I forget which TOC it would have been) announcing the stations alliteratively, e.g. "We are now arriving at Delightful Doncaster". Similarly for Wonderful Wakefield, Lovely Leeds, etc...
 

ainsworth74

Forum Staff
Staff Member
Global Moderator
Joined
16 Nov 2009
Messages
22,344
Location
Redcar
Okay I think it's clear that there's a difference of opinion here which won't be resolved. Let's move on please.
 

brad465

Member
Joined
11 Aug 2010
Messages
930
Location
Maidstone
In June 2017 on a hot day trip to Dartmouth from Bath, while at Uni at the latter, there were two humorous announcements I recall: On the out journey from Bath to Paignton direct the guard said on approach to Bristol, "We're now arriving on platform 5 at Bristol, we were meant to be in platform 12 but there's another train in it so probably best not to go in there." On the return journey, going via Westbury, the HST leg guard said at one point "It's very hot out today, but coach C is nice and cool, and B is not bad either. If you do have a seat reservation elsewhere but wish to move you're welcome to do so, so that's coach C for chilly."
 

43066

Established Member
Joined
24 Nov 2019
Messages
1,545
Location
London
It’s generally a slippery slope, in my view. One person’s funny announcement is another person’s unprofessional announcement.

It’s all very well making comedy announcements but the job in hand needs to be the prime focus. It’s never great when you hear the AWS buzzer go off during a long-winded PA announcement.

Thankfully I no longer have to make announcements but, as a DOO driver, I used to pride myself on saying as little as necessary to convey the necessary information.
 

adc82140

Established Member
Joined
10 May 2008
Messages
1,169
Okay I think it's clear that there's a difference of opinion here which won't be resolved. Let's move on please.
But I like arguing :D

Back on topic, I do think that on board comedy announcements are a bit Marmite. They can be funny the first time, but I'd say it'd wear a bit thin on a regular commuter route.
 

Skymonster

Member
Joined
7 Feb 2012
Messages
1,072
Just this weekend on a Cross Country Voyager arriving at Sheffield, the announcement went something like... “... Change here for services to Liverpool Lime Street via Stockport, Manchester Piccadilly,... Hull, Scarborough,... via Doncaster... [lots more, very comprehensive list in fact]... And finally horse-drawn services to Lincoln via...”
 

ainsworth74

Forum Staff
Staff Member
Global Moderator
Joined
16 Nov 2009
Messages
22,344
Location
Redcar
I asked nicely for you all to leave the issue discussed previously alone so I'm very sad to see that it continued. So, final warning, please leave it alone. There is clearly a difference of opinion which is not going to be resolved via talking about it on this Forum. I have deleted some posts already and I will delete more alongside taking stronger action against those who persist if it doesn't stop now.
 

urbophile

Member
Joined
8 Nov 2019
Messages
158
Location
Liverpool
There is (or was until recently) a Merseyrail guard with a lugubrious voice and a deadpan sense of humour. Typical announcement: "We are approaching Sandhills where you can change for the sophisticated nightlife of Kirkby and Ormskirk. Our cruising speed is approximately 30 miles per hour, and our cruising altitude approximately one metre."
 

Class800

Member
Joined
5 Feb 2020
Messages
51
Location
West Country
On the XC service from the Midlands to Exeter, a guard announced Birmingham New Street through to Bristol Temple Meads with each station in its local accent
 

DaveHarries

Established Member
Joined
12 Dec 2011
Messages
1,851
Location
England
At the absolute height of the Thameslink shambles in 2018 I was on a train between Blackfriars and London Bridge. The driver came on the PA and made a special announcement for a class from a primary school somewhere in Hertfordshire. The driver then finished by saying 'Oliva, daddy's driving this train'!
Oh bless. Hope the girl didn't go all shy at that but a nice touch anyway.

There was BBC news item last year about a guard on the Bristol-Taunton line who makes silly announcements. Two that I remember are "Dance and twirl we're arriving at Worle" and "We are now arriving at Bridgwater,change here for the scenic Hinkley Point".
Yes I've had him. I remember one day being on the train to Weston-s-Mare and it was p[...]ing it down outside. Guard came on and said: "Ladies and gentlemen we are now arriving into sunny Weston-super-Mare. Please remember to take everything with you including in-laws, deckchairs, buckets, spades and sunglasses. And please remember to sunbathe responsibly." Most of the passengers in the carriage had disolved into sustained laughter by the time he finished that one.

Another one I once had was on a CrossCountry train from Birmingham to Bristol Temple Meads: we were on the approach to the second to last stop and the guard came on and referred to Bristol Parkway as "bijou" much to amusement of everyone in the carriage. Another one still referred to the same station as "bourgois". Both very funny. :lol::lol:

Dave
 

Chris217

Member
Joined
7 Nov 2018
Messages
564
I remember a TPE guard who announced how extremely delicious the sandwiches were off the trolley.
Worth every penny of the £3.50.!
 

YorksLad12

Member
Joined
5 Feb 2020
Messages
227
Location
Leeds
LNER. ‘The next stop will be Doncaster. The mother-in-law lives in Doncaster, so a good reason not to get off’’
I think that was Steve, one of the east coast regulars back in the day. He did something similar as we approached Leeds one cold, foggy night: "Please take care when stepping off the train. My mother-in-law lives in the area, hence the chilly reception on arrival this evening."

Another time: "If you are leaving us here, please make sure you take all your personal belongings with you, especially the small, noisy ones."
 

Top