Abject Stupidity

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Ferret

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There are times when I despair at the general stupidity of some of the UK population. I just received a text from somebody who overheard this conversation between two adults:

Adult 1 : 'What's salmonella?'
Adult 2 : 'A salmon omelette I think....'

I have to say it would seem that if both of these people had a dose of salmonella, it may well benefit the gene pool immensely. Hell, I might even provide some undercooked chicken or a dodgy egg for them to eat myself.........:roll:

Anyone else care to share their encounters of abject stupidity? I could do with a laugh.
 
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Ivo

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It's not as bad as that, but back at high school a friend and I were discussing double negatives, and how we were always careful to not use them except for effect (e.g. I can't not do it!). Before long, the subject changed to homework, so a third friend - who had been with us the whole time - told us "I ain't got no 'omework". He didn't realise it was a double negative - in spite of most of our conversation having been on that very subject.

In case you don't know, I went to a grammar school.
 

WestCoast

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Person: 'scuse me mate, where's the beach gone? There was a beach here last time we came, I took a photo from this spot.

Me: the tide is in, it'll be out by about noon..

Person: *blank stare*
 

causton

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There are times when I despair at the general stupidity of some of the UK population. I just received a text from somebody who overheard this conversation between two adults:

Adult 1 : 'What's salmonella?'
Adult 2 : 'A salmon omelette I think....'

I have to say it would seem that if both of these people had a dose of salmonella, it may well benefit the gene pool immensely. Hell, I might even provide some undercooked chicken or a dodgy egg for them to eat myself.........:roll:

Anyone else care to share their encounters of abject stupidity? I could do with a laugh.
On a similar note...

"I can't have salmonella... I had chicken not salmon!"
 

MidnightFlyer

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A favourite from my English class was someone who thought Jesus invented electricity, to which someone replied 'Don't be stupid, it was the Ancient Egyptians that did that'. That was an AS English Language class, I despair.
 

ryan125hst

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In all fairness, I'm sure we're all guilty of saying something stupid from time to time. Just last night I stupidly asked (in the thread about the Chiltern Mark 3's that are being fitted with plug doors) why, according to Chiltern's website, a journey between London and Birmingham is 90 minutes, yet from London to Solihull is 1h and 22m, when it is closer to London and Birmingham.

At the time, I didn't realise that it was the fact that one was in minutes only, and the other in hours and minutes, that I was confused. It was only when I was thinking about it later that I realised my mistake. Unfortunately, someone had already replied.
 

Flamingo

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I overheard one a few weeks ago on a train "Tomorrow is a bank holiday, will the banks be open?"
 

Yew

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Person: 'scuse me mate, where's the beach gone? There was a beach here last time we came, I took a photo from this spot.

Me: the tide is in, it'll be out by about noon..

Person: *blank stare*
Thats not too unreasonable, although people who dont live near the sea know of high and low tides, we dont expect the whole beach to vanish ;)
 

Ivo

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A friend of mine in August 2010, having visited Wales two days earlier:

Do I need a Passport to enter Scotland?

The same friend in September 2011:

Do I need a Passport to enter Wales?
 

WestCoast

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Thats not too unreasonable, although people who dont live near the sea know of high and low tides, we dont expect the whole beach to vanish ;)
Perhaps, but you could see a bit of sand and I am not convinced this guy was that familiar with tides...

A friend of mine in August 2010, having visited Wales two days earlier:

Do I need a Passport to enter Scotland?

The same friend in September 2011:

Do I need a Passport to enter Wales?
I've heard the exact same question...

I let it go because you may need to present a passport or ID document to your travel provider when travelling between Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK.
 
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Flamingo

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A friend of mine in August 2010, having visited Wales two days earlier:

Do I need a Passport to enter Scotland?

The same friend in September 2011:

Do I need a Passport to enter Wales?
I was once asked by a young chap in a Pad-Cardiff "Can you stamp my passport on-board? My mate says it'll save me time at Cardiff station" as he held his passport out to me...
 

Eagle

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Arriving into Edinburgh on a TPE service, someone whose accent suggested she was from the city had this conversation with me:

She: "Can you tell what platform we're coming into?"
I: "13, looks like."
She: "Is that an upstairs or downstairs platform?"

(It took me a while but I did eventually realize what she meant...)
 

eastwestdivide

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I was asked "Is the lift entrance downstairs?" last week.

and related to the the double negatives, there's the apocryphal story about the English teacher telling the class that a double positive doesn't make a negative, to which someone at the back says "yeah, right".
 

Flamingo

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I was asked "Is the lift entrance downstairs?" last week.

and related to the the double negatives, there's the apocryphal story about the English teacher telling the class that a double positive doesn't make a negative, to which someone at the back says "yeah, right".
My favourite from a "customer care" assessment was
Assessor - "Do you know what an open question is?"
Me - "Yes"
 

IanXC

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I was once carrying out an unannounced fire drill - went my chosen (secluded) call point, set it off, waited a bit, then made my way through the building to the alarm panel to reset it. Came across a member of staff at their desk (while the sounder was still going):

Me: What are you doing here?
Them: I didn't know we were having a fire drill?
Me: How do you know we're now having a fire?

It wasn't as if everyone at the surrounding desks, and the customers hadn't all left as well!!
 

Seacook

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I was once carrying out an unannounced fire drill - went my chosen (secluded) call point, set it off, waited a bit, then made my way through the building to the alarm panel to reset it. Came across a member of staff at their desk (while the sounder was still going):

Me: What are you doing here?
Them: I didn't know we were having a fire drill?
Me: How do you know we're now having a fire?

It wasn't as if everyone at the surrounding desks, and the customers hadn't all left as well!!
I had lots of fun with fire drills. During none I was in a meeting on the third floor and it took several minutes before anyone at all noticed that the alarm was sounding - opening the door confirmed it, but it certainly pinpointed a risk. It then took me an age to get down the stairs - it was shortly after I had been fitted with a prosthetic leg, and, though there were evacuation chairs available, no one with me had been trained in their use. When I eventually got out I found that other people had been unable to use the fire exit nearest to my desk because the electronic locks on the doors had failed to release and no one in the immediate area had a card that could open them (I did, but I was at the opposite end of the building and two floors up).

The next drill was a big test for the fire marshals who were instructed to check that everyone in their area had cleared the building. I stood behind the door of an empty meeting room and was ignored. When I spoke to the office fire marshals afterwards, I also asked about the disabled toilet and discovered that neither of them had checked to see whether it was occupied. The follow-up drill the next week was much better organized and they found me in the computer room (where it was also difficult to hear the alarm). I was aware in advance that both of these were drills.
 

ChristopherJ

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Heard this on the DLR at Lewisham;

"trains are buses, when the tyres become worn they put the rims on rails and they become trains"

###### almost made me choke on my kebab. :lol:

Also, overhead this when standing in the square of the Grand Place in Brussels;

"which way is the Eiffel Tower?"

Didn't have the heart to tell her she's in the wrong city, let alone the wrong country. :roll:
 

CC 72100

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Heard this on the DLR at Lewisham;

"trains are buses, when the tyres become worn they put the rims on rails and they become trains"

###### almost made me choke on my kebab. :lol:
They could have been having a conversation about pacers ;)

I remember last year, on the way back from a pub crawl in a local town, our train back was a 142 and this (quite attractive) girl goes to me "Isn't this train really like a bus?" I briefly thought that I could enlighten her about the Pacer family, but instead thought it wiser to agree and say "Well yes, it is isn't it" :p
 

Aictos

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This must be a common one.....

Passenger: How do I get to Destination X?
Staff: You're already there.
Passenger: Oh yeah, I meant Destination Z?
Staff: You want the train at XX:XX from Platform Y then.
 

Schnellzug

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This must be a common one.....

Passenger: How do I get to Destination X?
Staff: You're already there.
Passenger: Oh yeah, I meant Destination Z?
Staff: You want the train at XX:XX from Platform Y then.
It may be an old gag, but "Return, please". "Where to?" "Well, back here, of course." :lol:
 
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