anti-pacer
Established Member
If so is it by choice? If not, have you spent Christmas alone in the past?
It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose.
Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. You need them to help you help yourself.
My comments wont be popular with many on this board and are not meant to be personal and hurtful. They are based on my experiences.
It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose. To use a football metaphor I reckon I am 2-2 on aggregate but there is a long way to go and the second leg to come. I was 2-0 down early doors.
Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. It took me too long to understand this. Far to long. You need them to help you help yourself. Don't give in to those thoughts or voices that tell you you are worthless or a drain or waste of space or a bad person. They are wrong. You are a unique individual with something to offer the world. Dont give in.
I'll not be alone, but probably would be if it weren't for the kindness of a good friend who has invited me to spend Christmas with his family each year since my dad passed away in 2014.
For anyone who finds Christmas a difficult time, this advice:
Is very good advice in my opinion.
My comments wont be popular with many on this board and are not meant to be personal and hurtful. They are based on my experiences.
It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose. To use a football metaphor I reckon I am 2-2 on aggregate but there is a long way to go and the second leg to come. I was 2-0 down early doors.
Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. It took me too long to understand this. Far to long. You need them to help you help yourself. Don't give in to those thoughts or voices that tell you you are worthless or a drain or waste of space or a bad person. They are wrong. You are a unique individual with something to offer the world. Dont give in.
No, but I don't *do* Christmas per sé. I don't have a tree or decorations etc and I don't usually send cards either. What I do is go to my folks on Christmas day, have a nice meal and go home in the evening. I can entirely understand where you are coming from in not wanting to participate though - if it wasn't for the fact I don't see my family often I'd happily ram Christmas entirely - I have no time for it.
Had things gone differently, then I could well have spent every Christmas alone, or at least without my parents past the age of 15. I'm very grateful that things went they way they did and my Mum and Dad managed to beat their respective illnesses that came very close to claiming both of their lives. Although I don't celebrate Christmas so much, I like to spend time with my family at that time of year more than any other, just to remind myself how fortunate I am to still have both of my parents.
And while Im on the subject In case its helpful to anyone as you might gather from what Ive just written, I spent a long time in that place where it feels like theres nothing inside you except unending cold and emptiness. Where you go round trying to act normal but inside your head its a frozen hell, you feel no ability to change anything. You feel intensely lonely. You see no hope for the future, and you have no idea what the point of living is. In fact Ive been there more than once.
I realize everyone is different and unique, and its dangerous to attempt to generalize, but my own experience seems to be that it does end. There does come a time when losses or circumstances that once seemed overwhelming become OK. That bottomless cold inside you really does fade away. The memories are still a part of you, perhaps to be forever treasured, but they no longer dominate your life. They no longer prevent you from seeing the beauty in life all around you, or from experiencing the new wonder of each day as it comes. It doesnt feel like it at the time, but things do eventually change and life becomes fun, beautiful, and worth living again.
That's very moving mate.
This year I've decided not to spend money on pointless presents that I'm not very good at buying (partly because I'm working flat out up until Christmas), so this year we're just going to have meals with family in pubs/restaurants I'd rather spend the money on that as to me personally seeing family is the most important thing.