northwichcat
Veteran Member
The actual Brexit dividend has been revealed and it's been welcomed by many Remainers. The dividend being the complete destruction of the Conservative Party.
Come on.. Lo comotion at Shildon?If the post above (#903) is a joke, I missed it completely.
There is a well-known layout on the model railway exhibition circuit, which represents an East Coast port and dockside, and is famous for its prototypical fish trains, modelled fully to scale.
At one exhibition, a chap approaches one of the operators and says 'Look, I work for a *major* banana import company. If you were to see fit to change the fish trains to banana trains, we could make it worth your while, if you know what I mean?'
The operator explains that the fish trains are an intrinsic part of the layout scheme, and it's no deal.
The chap makes an offer. 'Tell you what, let's say £5000. How's that?'
Operator says no, sorry, we can't do it.
He increases the offer to £7000. Still no deal.
He says 'OK, I can go to £10000, but it's my final offer'.
The operator says OK, in principle but he'll have to speak to the rest of the club, and he'll let him know.
At the end of that day's show, the operating team are in the pub, and he pipes up.
'Listen lads, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news first. We've lost the Birds Eye sponsorship...'
Oh well... With a little help from my friends...Come on.. Lo comotion at Shildon?
There is a well-known layout on the model railway exhibition circuit, which represents an East Coast port and dockside, and is famous for its prototypical fish trains, modelled fully to scale.
At one exhibition, a chap approaches one of the operators and says 'Look, I work for a *major* banana import company. If you were to see fit to change the fish trains to banana trains, we could make it worth your while, if you know what I mean?'
The operator explains that the fish trains are an intrinsic part of the layout scheme, and it's no deal.
The chap makes an offer. 'Tell you what, let's say £5000. How's that?'
Operator says no, sorry, we can't do it.
He increases the offer to £7000. Still no deal.
He says 'OK, I can go to £10000, but it's my final offer'.
The operator says OK, in principle but he'll have to speak to the rest of the club, and he'll let him know.
At the end of that day's show, the operating team are in the pub, and he pipes up.
'Listen lads, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news first. We've lost the Birds Eye sponsorship...'
Well, the current trains on the layout are fish trains. Bird's Eye are a well-known supplier of frozen fish...I'm like Adlington just now, re mine -- no comprehendo. Can someone explain? (I'm sure I'll kick myself.)
Was that the one where Bernard Matthews approaches the Pope and offers him £1m if he changes the words of the Lord's Prayer to "Give us this day our daily turkey?"That sounds like a reworked version of a 15 year old Dawn French joke.
Was that the one where Bernard Matthews approaches the Pope and offers him £1m if he changes the words of the Lord's Prayer to "Give us this day our daily turkey?"
The Pope says he can't make such a drastic change to tradition, but Matthews ups the bribe to £2 and then eventually £5m. So the Pope goes to his cardinals and says "Good News and bad news - we're ditching the Mothers' Pride sponsorship......"
Or perhaps it wasn't
How about the erudite Vicar who tried to teach Greek to his cat, but it never got further than mu?
I know!I first encountered that one as a limerick -- the young curate of Kew, who kept his pet cat in his pew; he vowed in a week, he would teach the beast Greek...
I know!
You can't beat the old ones, can you?
I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating!Nostalgia ain't what it used to be!
True, it's a thing of the pastNostalgia ain't what it used to be!
In cat-years, she's in her early 50s and clearly very wise. You should listen to her!I know people are always posting those ridiculously clever things their young un's say but sometimes they’re true.
My little one, Tilly, really shocked me today.
Tilly- You know how our Prime minister and her government are destroying the NHS, cutting benefits for the disabled, allowing fracking...
Me- But….
Tilly-…..selling arms to the Saudis, allowing badger culling..
Me- What the…
Tilly-….cutting education spending, bloody brexit, Boris the buffoon,
Me-..........
Tilly- Tories are barstewards, aren’t they?
Now, OK, I know I should have told her about her language but I was just so stunned I couldn’t say anything. I mean, I’ve had that cat for 13 years and she never spoke a word until now!
Wot, no cats 4 Cat Smith MP?