Funny announcement at a station.

[sutty]

Before I post, I will say, I'm aware that NR may not know what the delay is yet but it still made me smile.

Waiting for the 17:08 LM to Crewe I just heard at Smethwick "the 17:04 service to Birmingham is delayed because there is a problem"

Hope it's nothing too serious that would warrant lack of detail, such as a fatality, etc.

 

[cyclebytrain]

My favourite (recent) announcement was "...delayed due to sheep on the line" shortly followed by "...the sheep have now boarded the train, so it will be along shortly"

 

[robertbishop]

At Basingstoke:

"Platform 5 for the 11:07 First Great Western service to Reading, calling at Bramley, Mortimer, Reading West and Reading. Change at Reading for Slough, Newbury and St Erth."

 

[First class]

Before I post, I will say, I'm aware that NR may not know what the delay is yet but it still made me smile.

Waiting for the 17:08 LM to Crewe I just heard at Smethwick "the 17:04 service to Birmingham is delayed because there is a problem"

Hope it's nothing too serious that would warrant lack of detail, such as a fatality, etc.

Fourtunately it was just a train fault on the 350. Canxd at Crewe.

 

[exile]

Back in the 80s I got on a DMU with its destination blind set to Afon Wen - it certainly wasn't going there since it had been closed in 1964.....

 

[gnolife]

At Altrincham
"Platform 3 is for 16:04 Northern to Manchester Piccadilly, calling Navigation Road, Stockport and Manchester Piccadilly" as expected then about 10 secs later "What d'ya mean "the kettles broke", youre having a ... oh, sorry folks" *Announcement stops

 

[WestCoast]

I once heard a Birthday being read out over the PA at Preston.

Oh and this "the 13.47 TPE to Manchester Airport is delayed". Any more info??

 

[NSE]

My train back to Cambridge the other day was the "13:15 West Anglia Great Northern Service"

 

[WestCoast]

My train back to Cambridge the other day was the "13:15 West Anglia Great Northern Service"

WAGN are back to haunt us!!

 

[Juniper Driver]

Not so much as a funny announcement but I thought it was great when I first started at Waterloo and they used to play classical music in the morning over the tannoy.

 

[exile]

When an automatic announcement "apologises" for something it doesn't seem quite right. Surely an apology should come from an actual human being.

 

[DaveNewcastle]

When an automatic announcement "apologises" for something it doesn't seem quite right. Surely an apology should come from an actual human being.

I tend to agree, but its hard to draw a clear line between moving the vocal chords in the way that says 'apologise' and typing the codes that makes the 'apologise' recording play.

I'm annoyed by apologies which are not from the person (or company) who has done anything to apologise for (such as an incident not the making of the train operator who apologises). What else could the Operator have done that they can apologise for not having done?

One I heard at Waverley was 'The xx : xx departure to Dunblane will instead depart at zz : zz. This is due to'
That was all.

I doubt anyone is still waiting for the explanation.

 

[MidnightFlyer]

There is a really old one from when mystery excursion tours were rife:

"The next train on platform x is the mystery excursion to Blackpool. Oh sh*t!"

 

[pendolino]

There's an automated announcement I've heard at Sutton and North Dulwich that says: 'Passengers for and should change at West Croydon'. Presumably there should be two stations after 'for' and 'and' but the announcement doesn't even pause.

And an onboard one: on arrival at the terminus, the conductor made his usual announcement - we are now approaching....etc....please remember to take all your belongings....etc.' then added '.....and it's the driver's birthday today, so if you could wish him happy birthday as you pass the cab, I'm sure he'd be very pleased'. Lots of passengers did just that.

 

[atillathehunn]

I was on the LM train in question yesterday. The train hit a pigeon on the way in to Birmingham and completely shattered the windscreen. Of course, that cab would then become the rear cab on the way back north, so it could continue. However, it would have to be taken out of service at Crewe to be repaired.

 

[lookingforit35]

Years ago on what was the the East London Line.

In a heavy West Indian accent, "This train aint stopping......... at Wapping". Made me laugh anyway.

 

[Yew]

At Worksop one morning when the station was opening up, the Stationmaster left the tannoy on, we heared him making a cup of tea, and turning the radio on....

 

[OMGitsDAVE]

Best i've heard was at Harrogate...
'To the woman eating Bourbons, if you happen to see a member of staff, we would accept the offer of a biscuit!'

 

[43106]

In spring 2001, I had a job interview in North Bristol and, returning to Edinburgh, joined the first Virgin XC train at Bristol Parkway. It was a badly delayed service from Paignton going (I think) to Manchester. Apparently, there had been problems all morning, as the train guard announced via the train's P.A. that any passengers for Derby, Sheffield, York and Newcastle should change at Cheltenham, as the Newcastle train was right up our jacksy. I, plus about 50 others, duly got off there and waited. The station tannoy then announced that the Virgin XC Newcastle train we were waiting for, would be terminating at York. The announcer, without turning off the microphone then clearly said to a colleague "Typical Virgin - doesn't go all the way!" The entire platform exploded in raucous laughter!

On a similar subject, there was a radio series on the radio called "I'm Sorry, I'll read that again", which had Tim Brooke-Taylor, John Cleese, Bill Oddie and Graeme Garden. It was hilarious, but one program extracted the urine in no uncertain fashion out of train announcements. The ones I can remember are...

"The 1533 train to the West Country will no longer be stopping at Land's End!", and...

"The train arriving on platforms 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 has just come in sideways". A voice from the 'platform' shouts at the tannoy speaker "That is a very old joke". The tannoy then responds with "British Rail apologise for the late arrival of the last joke!" Well, I thought it was funny!

 

[wessex]

I like the way the tannoy at luton breaks down half way through an announcement and sounds like the daleks are taking over

 

[The175]

"This train is being delayed by the train in front of it. The train in front is being delayed by... er, something else."

Least it got a smile from a few people!

 

[Turbocharger]

There is a really old one from when mystery excursion tours were rife:

"The next train on platform x is the mystery excursion to Blackpool. Oh sh*t!"

LMAO
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
When I was about twelve I used to go to Woking with a good friend to shop.
And the PA guy was just so funny.

"WOKING, this is WOKING, you are at WOKING, trains leaving from WOKING now are the... blah blah bla then back to WOKING, this is WOKING........."

But he always shouted WOKING as if none of us knew where we were and almost as if someone was repeatedly asking him where they were.

We used to do impressions of him on the train. Our version was;
"WOKING, WOKING, this is bl**dy WOKING. It's not Waterloo, it's not Vauxhall it's not Portsmouth, it's bl**dy WOKING OKAY!"

 

[imagination]

I always like the ones where the automated announcer doesn't have the station in question, and so just leaves a pause where the station name should be. Last I knew the heathrow connect trains still had this, but many stations on the line have changed announcers (the evening peak train from Paddington to Frome used to have this at several stations but no longer does, for example) so that might have changed too?

Anyone know of any other examples of this?

 

[Crossover]

I always like the ones where the automated announcer doesn't have the station in question, and so just leaves a pause where the station name should be. Last I knew the heathrow connect trains still had this, but many stations on the line have changed announcers (the evening peak train from Paddington to Frome used to have this at several stations but no longer does, for example) so that might have changed too?

Anyone know of any other examples of this?

I recall once being at Tame Bridge Parkway which didn't have Wrexham and Shropshire in its repertoire at the time. Therefore it was the xx:xx *pause* service to London Marylebone

 

[Jordy]

I recall once being at Tame Bridge Parkway which didn't have Wrexham and Shropshire in its repertoire at the time. Therefore it was the xx:xx *pause* service to London Marylebone

As a result of this the system would also go "We are sorry that the xx:xx service to Wrexham General is delayed by approximately x minutes. *silence* Apologises for this late running, and the inconvenience caused"

I always like the ones where the automated announcer doesn't have the station in question, and so just leaves a pause where the station name should be. Last I knew the heathrow connect trains still had this, but many stations on the line have changed announcers (the evening peak train from Paddington to Frome used to have this at several stations but no longer does, for example) so that might have changed too?

Yes that old system had many missing stations, it also only had "up" versions of some stations (very odd...) so she would always sound surprised with, for example, Greenford (Greenford?!). She has been replaced at most stations now and the new system has the previously missing stations correctly set up.

 

[sutty]

Some really good ones there I'm glad nobody was hurt. I made it home to my whiskey in one piece!

 

[deltic1989]

Me and a mate were at Lincoln Central yesterday, and there were periodic announcements saying "The train approaching platform 4b does not stop here , stand clear please" made me giggle because there was a 153 standing stock still with the engine shut down in platform 4b.

 

[Skimble19]

WAGN are back to haunt us!!

They've never left on the GN route!

My train back to Cambridge the other day was the "13:15 West Anglia Great Northern Service"

Was this in FCC or NXEA land?

 

[jon0844]

I am guessing it was a FCC 365 and the time suggests a 'Cambridge Cruiser'.

I haven't heard this for years as they use an alternative without the TOC name, given they never updated it with FCC. I figured it was disabled to ensure it couldn't say it wrong.

Sent from my Sony Ericsson Xperia arc via Tapatalk.

 

[ollyrogers]

"Due to staff shortages I cannot finish this annou."